I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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