when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
