Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
