i just had sex bonerless
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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