What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
