A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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