The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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