you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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