At least make sure they are 18
Why
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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