Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
