I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
