so that wasnt chicken after all
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
