I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
