just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
