Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
