Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
