and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
