Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
