love makes seman taste better
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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