I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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