Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
