If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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