I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
