i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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