New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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