i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well you can't waste a boner
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
