My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize