I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
