While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
