This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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