The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
