I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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