I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
