You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
