Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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