So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
