Will you blow on my dice?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
