90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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