I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
