there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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