if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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