what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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