They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't deserve a penis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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