and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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