Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
