I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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