i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
