I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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