I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
