C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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