Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
