Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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