We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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