What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
