can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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