"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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