Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
