This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
