YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
