I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
