Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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