considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
