Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
