I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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