i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
