what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
