So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
