Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too high and old for this...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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