New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
