You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize