I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
