Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
