I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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