Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
