They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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